A Surprise Apology

Today, someone apologised to me for being a 'hypocrite' and a 'bad friend'. I was not confused. I knew that I have been backstabbed by so many. Too many. But I decided to just let it go.

Why?

Because I'm married.

I have so much in my life as it is, that I don't need to add the burden of caring about others. Others don't affect my life. They do not make me lose followers. They do not make me lose modelling or blogging jobs. They do not make me lose my internship. They do not make me lose my scholarship. They do not make me lose my husband. Or family. They really don't affect my life.

But I feel so sad. So broken. Because this person is supposed to be a friend.

Friend?

I have a lot of friends. But since my wedding, I realised about who I can trust and who I cannot.

But still. I'm sad.

Vote For Me: House of Shakilla Model Search

House of Shakilla is an online multi brand fashion store for both Malaysia & Indonesia, soon to launch their own physical boutique in Malaysia. They are conducting a Model Search, and praise the Almighty, I made it to the Top 5 Finalists! I'm super excited and nervous at the same time!

But here's the catch:

In order to be the face of House of Shakilla, I need your votes. So please vote for me by following the steps below:

Through INSTAGRAM:

1) Go to @hoshakilla

2) Like my photo:

Through FACEBOOK:

1) Go to House of Shakilla FB Page

2) Like my photo.

>Click here to go straight to the photo<

If you have both social media I would very much appreciate it if you would take a few seconds of your time to vote for me on both Instagram and Facebook.

Gah! I'm so nervous and excited at the same time! Thank you for your votes and for helping me make my dream come true!

xoxo,

sya.

I have yet to break down and cry.

Dia kata my marriage is a joke?

You're a joke. You're 30 and you are not married.

What do you know about marriage?

What hurts me is not that some person, a nobody, said that my marriage is a joke.

It's a person who went to all three of the wedding events.

Which means what?

You figure it out.

I'm just gonna shut the door and cry.

"Say Something. I'm Giving Up on You."

Do you remember?

That moment.

When you are just standing there.

Waiting.

For him/her to just say something.

Anything.

To stop you from walking away.
To give you something to hold on to.
To allow you to hope.

And he/she doesn't.

And you're no longer sure who walked away.
Because even if you did,
it doesn't feel like it was you.
Because you're shattered.
And it's nothing that you would've done.
To break your own heart.
It doesn't even make sense.

And that's it.

All because you stood there.
Face to face.

"Say something!"
You yell in your head.

But they never do.

#syadhilwedding

It's been...3 weeks since we got married!

I am now Mrs Raja Nadhil Aqran.

Married at 20.

Can't believe it myself.

And this time, I guess I'll share some wedding details. BUT you have to wait till the official photographers hand over the photos.

Till then, you can just check out #syadhil or #syadhilwedding on Instagram & other social medias.

And Penny Qi posted a bit on her blog. 

And now, for an original Sya kind of post.

"How do you feel?"

They've asked me time and time again. And I have no answer. None. Zilch. Nada. Zero.

How do I feel? Do I even feel anything? Trololol. Of course I don't. I'm a robot.

Haih.

But seriously.

Let me just say this:

There are dreams that continue to be just that. Dreams. And there are dreams that come true.

While everyone was busy with New Year, I have #syadhilcountdown .

FINALS.

WEDDING.

INTERNSHIP.

Three major things in my life.

And I can balance NOTHING.

And my New Year starts either this Saturday when exam ends.

Or next Saturday.

When I am married.

MARRIED.

AT 20?

Yes. I'm caps-locking everything that is just screaming in my head.

I don't know lah. It's like, everything's just coming up to me at once. Finals are not easy and look at me now. I'm writing on my blog instead of studying. My internship is a 4 year contract. And I haven't even filed in enough hours for the first year. And I got a notice to work during the holidays. Except, I'm getting married. Which I've told them since the beginning of the semester. But obviously, it never registered in their heads. Now I'm in hot soup. What the......

And then, there's the wedding. Which is causing all the mishaps. It's taking so much space in my brain. My brain cells are dying.

9 days to go.

SURPRISE 2! Mission Accomplished Too.

Another surprise mission for another of my soul sister, Umi Adlin Faramitha. (I hope I spelled her name right.)

Adlin and I call each other 'teman sebantal' (pillow mate) because we always sleep together. Because that's how comfortable we are with each other. Like, sisters. A true companion. Not to forget, she was also one of the girls in my Bachelorette Pretty Pastel Picnic Photoshoot.

Adlin has always been my teammate in futsal, and here's to the more tournaments to come!

The surprise was really long overdue. Her birthday was last week! But as finals have started for some of us, while I was too busy writhing in pain. So from plan A to plan B, we almost missed Adlin by 15 minutes! I made sure that she's in her room. But suddenly she texted me saying her mother's on the way to pick her up because she has the fever! I panicked, abandoned all my preparation and dragged her to Qila's room, where we were setting up. As Adlin was unwell, she really didn't suspect anything and was convinced that we just wanted to gossip about the latest news (which we did!)

One thing about Adlin is that she really loves celebrations with balloons and cakes and surprises. We did it for Qila's brithday. And they did it for mine. (I can't post mine because my phone was stolen and all the photos were in there! BUT I LOVE YOU GUYS FOR IT!) And now, it's her turn.

Happy Birthday, Adlin!

I love you, babe! Forever and ever and ever.... #sanggupbuatapasaja

May tomorrow bring something new and exciting for you. And may yesterday be a memory forever embedded in our memories.

xoxo

SURPRISE! Mission Accomplished.

21st November 2013 marked the 20th birthday of my dearest, Najwatul Aqilah. 

She is my sister, my companion, my neighbor back in CFS IIUM PJ and my confidante. She was also one of the girls in my Bachelorette Pretty Pastel Picnic Photoshoot.

In conjunction with her birthday, Adlin and I decided to make a surprise for her. Like they did for me. (Will blog about that soon!) But we didn't have time for planning. So we just went with the flow.

On Tuesday, I bumped into Qila when Nadhil dropped me off at my college. So I just invited her for dinner the next day. Spontaneous, but calculated. I was already wondering how we were gonna do it. I saw the chance and just grabbed it!

But really, I just wanted to make sure she was free for us to do the surprise. Just in case, you know? She might go home or have plans with others. So I didn't want to leave it to chance. Sometimes, we have to take our own initiative.

So on searching for places to satisfy Qila, we chose Ben's, Publika. Somewhere we have never been to together. But some place just nice. The perfect setting for three girls who love shopping. Haha.

We kept the balloons in the back of the car. Picked Qila up and lied to her on why we were late and dragged her to Publika. While eating at Ben's, Adlin made an excuse to go to the ladies. Only, we went to buy cake instead. When we came back to Qila, who we left alone in Ben's, we lied and said that Adlin just wanted to buy this cake we saw earlier for her boyfie.

After the dinner and desserts (plural), Qila and I went for a walk while Adlin claimed that she wanted to send the things to the car because it was a bit too many to carry around.

When Adlin came back, at like 11pm, she came with the cake, lighted with candles, and balloons, singing Happy Birthday to Qila.

"SURPRISE!!!"

It was an amazing night. Even though it was Qila's birthday, that dinner, meant a lot to me. I am less than two months to be called a wife, and I know, it's not gonna be the same. And I've been so scared, but these girls have been there for me. Comforting me. Reassuring me. More than they know. And I love them so much.

People might not understand the nature of our sisterhood. How we have no need to stick with each other all the time. How we go out just once in awhile. But really, we know each other. We understand each other. More than anyone.

All of us have been going through a lot. Never knowing what to do. But we find comfort in each other. And that's really all we need.

Happy Birthday, Qila!

I wish you all the happiness and joy in the world.

I pray for your success, and more so for your strength.

I love you, babe.

I'll always be there for you. Whenever, wherever and for whatever reason.

Life presents to us challenges, and at times, it is so difficult. But you can't give up. You have to push through. Nothing can bring you down. Sabar, my dear. Your day will come, insyaAllah.

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Quran 2:286)

xoxo.

SEPASANG MATA ITU: Of glimpses and stolen glances.

Walk on by.

Walk on.

Ahead.

Do not turn.

It said.

The voice.

Inside.

My head.

Walk on by.

Walk on.

Ahead.

But please,

turn.

It said.

The heart.

And then,

he did.

Here's the thing, right? No matter how long time passes. No matter how much hurt you've felt. No matter what will transpire. No matter even if it's all said and done.

It happened. You. Me. Us.

And that, will certainly linger on, in our heads, at the back of our minds, especially.

Especially during the brief eye contact. It all flashes right before your eyes.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

Hello is goodbye.

The first ring.

The second.

And the next one? I'll hang up.

But I didn't make it in time.

"Hello."

I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye.

But even if I don't say it back, it is goodbye.

Either way, nothing is ever gonna be how it used to be. Everything changes.

Don't we all know that.

The Engagement: Official Photos & Video

Great news!

Sweetpictures has finally passed to me the photos, after quite a delay.

I have no words for this post. Enjoy!

 

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And here's the video:

By BeeHunt Studio

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Yes. I'm nineteen and engaged. I repeat, I am 19 and ENGAGED.

Age is just a number.

XOXO.

Pretty Pastel Picnic Photoshoot.

This photoshoot was something like a bachelorette picnic. It's meant for us to cherish the moments that we have had and will have, God-willing. It's no secret that my bachelorette days will soon be over. This is my last semester as a 'Miss'.

So, introducing the beautiful people of my life; My sisters, my twins and my best friends.

I met them at different stages of my life, under different circumstances and scenarios. The one major thing that they have in common is that they are the rare jewels of my life. Some of them have never even met before I forced them into the shoot together.

But here's the best part:

The picnic was AH-MAH-ZING! They clicked in an instant. All of us felt really comfortable with each other. Awesome, right?

I thought about writing about each and everyone of them. How I met them. How important they are to me. How much they have done for me. InsyaAllah, I will do so in the near future.

But here's one thing they all do for me: They are always supporting me. They always have my back. No matter what. Even if I'm wrong. They still stand by me. With me. If the world turns its back on you, these girls will turn their backs to the world for you. That's how much they are incredibly wonderful.

Alhamdulillah. I have friends that are like family.

    

Credits to this really fun photographer I found on Facebook, ShazniJ Photography .