Love yourself, at least.

Don't ever scare me like that ever again! I even went and begged her to help me save you!

I tried so hard to save you...NOT because you deserve it. Truth be told, I would have killed you myself. But I saved you because everyone deserves a chance at life. Get that? EVERYONE deserves a chance at life, whether by accident or not.

Then, for the first time in a week, I met the two people that would give me the strength to decide....and I couldn't do it. I am not ready. I'm still a child. I can't do this. Not to them. Not to my future. Not to you and your future.

Oh...yeah...one more thing...I saved you because I love you. Even if you don't.

I'm still an innocent.

Two faced much! You were the one in the middle the whole time. Then, you created the volcano eruption. You were the only one that knew that I was there...
...no, you put me there.

When she was there, you knew it. And yet, you told me nothing. When I finally won, you decided to play the good guy and spill everything, creating a tension that I could have avoided.

I was stuck in the middle of the stage with the spotlight so hot that it burnt. Blame me. I was charged to be guilty.

You staged it, didn't you? We were just pawns in your game of chess. You made me seem like the villain. When all this time, you were behind it all. How could you be so cold?

And your friends. They knew it too. They knew about it all. The ONLY thing that no one knew about was ME. Because had you known, you would have told me. Had he known, he would cry out foul. Because in all honesty, no matter how evil you guys were, not once did you realize that the devil was HIM.

But in my eyes, you are all sinners. Yeah, go ahead and blame me. For every little piece of shit. I don't care. You want to know why? Because I don't give a damn what people think. Once it's out, no matter what, they will go on thinking what they want to think.

But when everything blows up in all your faces, don't point your finger at me. Because I TOLD YOU SO.

Remorse. Regret. And an understanding.

Oh.

My.

God.

Maybe it's regret. Maybe even remorse. Or maybe it's the fact that I DIDN'T know. And that it shouldn't have mattered. Because I should have known.

He smiled.

That's it?

It's not the smile. It's why he did. And I smile now...though I feel like crying.

l pray. And then, fear. But not remorse.

I am afraid. That maybe myths are true. And if they are, and if I prove that they are, then t'is the end of life as we have known it to be.

Praying on and on without a miss, but perhaps too late.

Keyword: LATE.

Which brings forth fear. Yes. Fear. But not remorse. Because although I am not ready, I will take it as it is.

So with all the symptoms, I go for the ultimate test. And I pray.

An adult action. An adult mistake. An adult consequences.

I am not an adult. I am only a girl.

Last Kiss.

"If we ever fight or if we ever lose each other, remember this moment..."

...in 859

The taste of coffee still lingers.

Don't give up until we try.

I think we just did.

"Please be alright."

If you can be okay, so can I. Since you're fine, so am I.

p/s. I'm lying. But you'll never know.

Bitch fight.

It was so funny. SO FUNNY!

I don't know why I can't stop laughing when really, we were both just childish and reckless and dumb.

It's an ultra short story with all the drama. Haha. Drama Queen.

No. Seriously. It was funny.

Actually, what is wrong with this?

So I pray on and on.

Wishing I knew what was on your mind.

But I don't.

And nobody knows but me, that tears fall so freely.

I can't think. But I can't help thinking, that it's not a mistake. But maybe it was?

But how did we ever get this far? If we can go through that, then we can go through this.

But maybe we went too far? But if we can go that far, then we can come back...or not?

And he comes in with the rain.

9.24am

21 December 2010

"I am ready."

When it hurts?

When you say that we should be just friends at least for now.
When you call my name.
When you say goodbye without anything else.
When you smile and say that it's going to be okay.
When you act like you don't care.
When you act like you care.
When you gotta go.
When you try to reassure me.

10.24pm

20 December 2010

You broke my heart.

Why I keep him...

We have a time limit. And I don't want it to end.
But after yesterday, I know, that when the time comes, I am strong enough to let go.
But I don't want to let go. Not just yet.

We are different. That's for sure. But it's okay to be different. What makes you different makes you beautiful.

And maybe we do it differently. And maybe we don't understand each other.
But we learn from mistakes.

And...you are not a mistake.

19 December 2010. 1843

I can't take it anymore.

3 Months

Both of us are messed up.
Both of us have to work on ourselves.
Both of us always make mistakes.

But that's because we are both just human.

So let's start over.

I'm too tired tonight to call your name.

Have you ever agreed to something you completely disagree to, or did something you never wanted to do, or didn't do something you've always wanted to do, just because you don't want to seem selfish. You wanted to be understanding and sweet and all you wanted to do was to make that other person happy?

Well, it sucks.
Keeping it bottled up inside. It doesn't just disappear. That disappointment and hurt. In fact, it grows even deeper. It becomes too much until you suffocate and can't breathe.

Then, it hits you. And it hits you HARD! All this time, you were never truly happy...never sad...nor angry. You were so unfeeling...uncaring...so...NUMB.

But now that realization has struck, you start to feel the chilly atmosphere crawling down your spine...and you drown in the empowering waves of emotion...of hatred. Tears start forming in your eyes and they flow so suddenly...so easily.

And your heart?
Its broken.

"Living in the fast lane because I don't want to think about anything."
But I don't have a choice, now, do I?

And the best part is we have done most of it

Emotional wreck.

Yes. I'm crazy. That's just it, though. It makes me wonder if I know what I have gotten myself into. Because...I don't.

859

10December2010

"Waking up next to you with your arms around me,

the sun was shining and I keep on hoping,

Endlessly."

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life...
...but you're not one of them.

But if it was a mistake, then remember, that you are my favourite mistake.

The saying goes:

"Never regret anything, because at one point you wanted it."

And we did want it. So much.