Talk it through.

FINE.

My fault for not wanting to talk about it and bottling it in.

But you thought I wouldn't care?

YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN'T CARE?

Of course I cared.

Sheesh.
Idiot.

DON'T GET ATTACHED!!!

I have been reading a bunch of guys blogs and Tumblr(s) and I was like"

"BEST GILE! I wanna blog like that!"

Then, IT HITS ME! I'm a GIRL!

What's my point?

IT IS OKAY TO WRITE ABOUT FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS.

Especially since I'm MISS EMOTIONALLY-RETARDED. You see, life's like that.

So here's an emotion I feel now.

CONFUSION

WAIT.

...is that even an emotion?

*...errr...I don't care?*

Question: What are you confused about?

Now THAT is a long story. SUPER LONG STORY.

But let's take it as it is.

So you're stuck in a situation where there are only two possibilities...there's only two possible endings.

What do you do?

Do you wait it out? See what happens next? Go with the flow?

THEN GET HURT IN THE END LIKE THE IDIOT YOU ARE.

How many times do you want to get hurt before you just throw the game?

WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THIS ANYWAY?

You dream, hope...wish...AND THEN?

WHAT NEXT?

FAIRYTALES DON'T HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE!
GET THAT IN YOUR HEAD!

But what if...
...
....*OMG! See that? I had to go and think "WHAT IF?"*

Anyway, yes. WHAT. IF. ?.

Maybe I do have trust issues.

SO I HAVE TRUST ISSUES.

Okay. What's your point?

It's not that I don't trust you. I just don't trust me with you. I don't trust you with my heart. Coz, what if one day you break it?

But when you held my hand, reassuringly, telling me that I have you, until when, baby?

For how long?

I'm not being insecure. I'm being realistic.

And it sucks. But still...

It's not like you were so different then.

But there's this other thing.

I'm not good for you.

You're good for me. But I'm not good for you.

He can be the one.

Finally, I told my sister about him.

Honestly, when he says he wonders if I don't feel what I say, I felt like knocking his head.

I feel what I say. Doesn't mean I say what I feel.

But, he isn't desperate. I mean, I'm into him too.

I'm just not ready, you know?

I need time. A pretty LONG time. But, still.

And he tells me he is patient. I hope he isn't the type of guys who only says things. But leave words as words.

You see, in my whole life, I pretty much summed up guys into 4 categories.

1. Who runs away from his feelings. (P.P.)

2. Who doesn't even know what he feels. (V or Bee)

3. Who shows how he feels but doesn't say it. (L)

AND MY PERSONAL MOST HATED

4. Who tells you and shows you...BUT NEVER MEANS IT. (ANJ)

But he has shown me how he feels. And he MOST DEFINITELY has told me...but whether he means it or not....I don't know. I guess, time will tell.

Same but different...

The things that make us similar makes me hate me...

Because I understand. And that makes me hate it even more.

How you can't see that maybe its breaking her. To see.

Like it broke me. And it's breaking you.

Shit. I can't think properly. I can't think anymore. I can't think.

Just know that everyone has a past. But we have to get through it. Maybe not forgive it. Or forget it...but he have to let it go.

Commitment freak and forward.

The 'L' word.
When it bombs down on you.
Scary? But baby, I love you too.

Sure, I felt like running when you said "5 years from. 10 years from now, I want you there in my life." Which made you say, "Now you think 'OMG! He's crazy! He wants to marry me!!!' ...But that's how I feel."

But I guess it's okay.

But you have to learn how to tolerate my constantly changing mood swings.
I know I create this barrier between us when I'm with my friends or when we're around people. But I'm scared senseless. I freak out. I'm emotionally retarded...if anyone has read the last 100 entries of this blog. I'm twisted. And I'm in the midst of changing. But you?...
...You make me hopeful.