Thursday, March 29, 2012

Almost Lover

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind, images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images, no

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

Collaboration -A monologue

I wanted those moments - few and far between as they were. I wanted whatever time and affection you could give me. No matter what it cost me. It felt like I could find comfort in you. And maybe we weren't each other's first choice, you know? But I was glad that I was somewhere on the list. I let it happen again and again, more times than I can even count.

You wanted to keep things casual, you wanted to keep me at arm's length. You leaned on me. I cared about you so much. I can't explain it, but, I've seen the best and the worst of you... and I love you. I love the way you can tell me what I'm thinking. I love the way you tell a story, drawing me in. I love you for all the times you convinced me, with a stupid joke, or even just a look... to stop taking myself so seriously and just enjoy my life. Nothing could ever make me regret the way I feel about you.

What I feel for you isn't a negative thing. It makes me better, it makes my life better. That's what I've been trying to say: That love is never wrong, even when it grows in the worst conditions, with no encouragement..

Monday, March 26, 2012

Smile, eventhough your heart is breaking.

Why do you look at me with those sad looking eyes?
When we both knew it would come to this.
Don't get down on one knee.
Don't, please, confuse me.
Just let it go.
Set me free.

We are not to ponder on fate,
Nor ask even the most obvious.
Yes, you came too late.
My heart, I've given away to my only love.

Let me go.
And don't let me know
Why you look at me with those sad...sad looking eyes.
We both knew that it would come to this.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

"I have to stop losing to you."

Not stop losing me.

Stop losing to me.

Even if it means losing me, right?

Because you freed yourself. FINALLY! Good for you! Seriously. They're happy for you, I'm sure. Especially since back about half a year ago they were all scratching their heads wondering while the hell are you with some dictating bitch of a 'queen'.


You're right. I was wrong. So wrong. You're not clingy. It's just that you were miserable with me. I was the root of your problems. You must be relieved to have rid of me.

Yes. I admit. It hurts. That you left.

But I hope you're happy.

Monday, March 19, 2012

There are many things that I never really understood.

I thought I knew.

What I would do.
What I would feel.

I thought that unconditional love was, in fact, unconditional
To a person. To a lover. That you love for all the flaws and the bits and pieces.

I didn't think that it was more.
More than just the matters of the heart. More than anyone has ever told. No one told me that it was so hard. So difficult to the point of pulling one into the derision of disappointed hopes and dreams. No one told me that it can sometimes be more than whole. That even the in-between bits are mere microscopic matters.

I was never prepared for this.

For more than just me.

More than just us.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

And turning away, stay -A monologue

"Don't you dare walk away from me! And don't tell me you're sorry! And don't tell me to forget it, and don't you dare tell me to "let it go." God knows, I'd like to. I wish I could, but I can't! I can't forget that we had something, and you're running away. You're running away! Don't you see? You're running from what I've searched for all my life! Why, because you're scared? Well, I'm scared too, but you and I - we have something worth fighting for. We could make it work, I'm not saying it would be easy, but I care about you. And I know deep down, under this...this bravado, you care about me. And that's what it's all about, don't you get it? It's the human experience. You can pretend all you want, but you're only lying to yourself. You're denying the simple and wonderful fact that you are emotional, and vulnerable, and alive.

Can you honestly stand there and tell me that I mean nothing to you? That everything that happened that night was a lie? That you feel nothing? I feel sorry for you. I'll move on. I'll find someone else. I'll be all right, because I will know that I tried. That I did everything I could. But someday you will look back, and you will realize what you threw away. And you will regret it always."

Kisah di luar gelanggang: Sudah panas berlari di bawah matahari yang panas, lu bikin panas.

Senang cerita.

Hari ini.

Ada drama. Seperti hari-hari sebelumnya. Tiada yang terkejut.

Tetapi kali ini tidak. Semua terbeliak mata.

Kami tidak akan menjadi majoriti yang mendiamkan diri.

Kami akan memperjuangkan, sekalipun kami minoriti.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Sarung cincin di jari. Terbawa-bawa, dibuai mimpi.


Saya tak mahu.

Dibuai mimpi indah.

Tapi realiti.

Neraka. Dusta.


Saya takut.

Dengan dosa yang melemaskan. Melampau.

Sakit. Hati. Sakit.

Tapi sakit lagi di alam barzah.

Tak rela. Tak rela!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Hari ini hari yang pelik.

Stress. Gila.
Stress sampai gila.

Meeting sampai malam.
Dengan segala team-team buddy-buddy ganggu ketenteraman awam.

Sikit lagi aku mengamuk.

Sedih. Sangat.
Hari jadi. Selamat.
'Thank you syahira. :)'

You called me by my proper name.
Because I told you so.
I remembered.

Sakit. Hati.
Dekat. Tapi jauh.

7 bulan.