Saturday, May 29, 2010

Designers, Divas and, definitely, Dramas!

Prom dress cloth shopping was sooo crazy. No one takes 2hours just for 2pieces of cloth. Haha. Dah la all were against me. I thought bringing someone from a different side of my life would give a different view.

I was so WRONG! Haha.

Adib arrived first. Then, Mai did. Penny was fashionably late. Haha. Picked N up on the way to Kamdar. After a lot of, "No, Syahira. No." we stumbled upon two-toned cloths. I accidentaly stepped on one. Haha. Pure luck. And thanks to the model holding the cloth, Penny who already had 8 designs in hand, designed another dress on the spot. Fuh! *applause* hebat!

N rode on d back of my driver's motorcycle to go home. Haha! We, the girls, spent all day in my room, camwhored in my brother's room, online, mcD and phonecalls. Oh my god to the phone calls.

They were like, "Call him!" Penny said something like, "Regret now or regret forever." So I chose to regret now.

Notice that it's calling someone. Too bad you can't see the name! Haha.

In front all my girls, I called ‘Him’. He didn’t answer. Hahaha. Buat nervous je.
So while we were all online, my mum texted me, asking me to open my email. Then, I received a call. It was not my mum. It was ‘him’.

I was like, “Oh my god.” Penny, Mai and Adib were screaming with me, not knowing what to do. I answered. Put it on loudspeaker but ‘he’ was busy. He said he’d call me back.

Two hours later, after camwhoring, eating mcD and watching music videos and Gossip Girl, still no call. I was on the floor. Penny, online. Mai was on one bed reading a magazine and Adib, on the other bed, reading a manga. So Mai read our horoscopes. Mine saying exactly what was happening to me at that exact moment. Called Shelumiel for a minute. Fine, I’ll miss call the guy!
At 6.30pm, Adib went home. We, Penny and Mai played tarot cards and fortune telling. So dumb, ok! But again it was saying exactly what was happening in my life. Though, quite insulting about my past, I got a bright future. Haha.

Mai went home earlier than Penny. We were looking at dresses online at the time. Penny’s dad and mine were like, “Why is Penny not sleeping over?” Haha. Penny got KPP exam the next day which, by the way, she passed.

After watching 2seconds of Heroes, I read Girl in Heels instead. I slept kind of early after a very tiring day.

Midnight, I got the phone call. *insert the post below*

The next day, I got the letter from AFS, a foreign exchange student program. I have an interview. Yay!!! I watched the Proposal and The Blind Side. Both, having Sandra Bullock as their lead. She ROCKS!

I had a good weekend. I really did. Just one penyibuk of a sadness. But everything else was the BEST!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Questions with a devastatingly short answer...

I usually post on my private blog about what really happened, but now, it's war.

I didn’t know that anyone could feel so…so stupid.

“Anything?” he asked. Ah! Like he didn’t know! As if la! Think he so pro!

“We are going to be in the same room and all…”
Seriously? That was what he first said. Excuse me! Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid. You KNOW what I’m asking you.

“Yeah, I know…”
If you know what I’m asking than why the hell are you acting so retarded?

“I planned to go alone.”

“No hard feelings?”
I don’t know. I can’t feel. I literally CAN’T F***ING FEEL ANYTHING RIGHT NOW!

“So who’s the guy?”
OH. MY. GOD. OH MY GOD! SERIOUSLY? Don’t you dare act like you don’t know. Want me to say it out loud? FINE. It’s you, obviously.

“Thanks for making me the ‘right guy’ *something like that*…”
I did not MAKE you the right guy. Hell, I wouldn’t choose you if I had to follow my brain. But the heart is whole other organ. Don’t thank me cause you’re just KILLING me! I can make it through 2 weeks.

After that, it’s goodbye. I can get through this. I CAN! I MUST! I…I…I just want to hang myself.
The thing is…I don’t care that the ‘right guy’ is soooo in the wrong. I don’t. But damn, I feel so vulnerable. Like, you can just put a knife through my chest, twist and pull…if you wanted to.

And still, ffter everything, I still say that I rather hurt now than later.

But…damn! That hurt. You racist a$$.


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Under construction for a prom dress.

Why don't I have a prom date? Someone else asked me today. But, sorry!

I'm waiting for the right one to ask me.
How'd I know he's the right one?
When he asks me.

Life is a fairytale. Haha.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Choose me. Pick me. Love me.

This week, I'm going to tell you what has happened.

1. I got into the final 7 for lead singing the song The Power of The Dream for school production.
2. I finally did my English oral.
3. I'm going to get my prom dress soon.
4. My Bunny is moving in August. *SOOO SAD!*
5. I'm dancing in school porduction with class.

I didn't know that my classmates ROCK! They're the best! They don't judge...much. They really are great, actually. Behind their facade, they are true at heart.

I just want to say, about my oral, it really meant a lot to me. It was my heart and soul being poured out. And although who it was really meant for remains a mystery to most, I...I just never thought that anything like that would matter. It was a free therapy session.

With love.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Forever in my heart. Forever we are apart.

A teacher once taught me a lesson in life.

It's okay to be be apart. Because you build a wall around your heart. So no idiot will come and break it.

Arif Olan, MRSM Taiping told me

Holding on to whatever we have left doesn't mean that the things we planned or wish to happen will happen.

And he taught me that friends don't talk to each other for show. Friends don't leave you confused and in pain. Friends don't try to avoid each other whenever they can.

Talking never felt so hard.

Someone once said, "I'll take the blame. Just for us to get through this."

It's not about him taking the blame. It's the fact that he did it...and WHY? And if he's taking the blame then APOLOGIZE! Doesn't he get it? It hurt!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

All is fair in love and war

Let me tell you a mathematical story.

x+y but y+z
in order for xy to happen,


but z-y does not equal to y+x

the only way for all to be equal,

It means that to achieve equality in the game of life so named after Love and War, we must all be lonely and without anybody.
They say that all is fair in love and war.
That, my friend, is a LIE.

To win the game, you have to use realpolitic. That's why it's all fair in LOVE and WAR. Because in the love game, you use exactly the same strategies in wars.

It's a sick game that devils play with a tear in their eyes for even they know how cruel mankind is.

The story is really simple. It's a love triangle. X likes Y but Y likes Z. So, can you understand the story now?