Thursday, December 30, 2010

Love yourself, at least.

Don't ever scare me like that ever again! I even went and begged her to help me save you!

I tried so hard to save you...NOT because you deserve it. Truth be told, I would have killed you myself. But I saved you because everyone deserves a chance at life. Get that? EVERYONE deserves a chance at life, whether by accident or not.

Then, for the first time in a week, I met the two people that would give me the strength to decide....and I couldn't do it. I am not ready. I'm still a child. I can't do this. Not to them. Not to my future. Not to you and your future. more thing...I saved you because I love you. Even if you don't.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

I'm still an innocent.

Two faced much! You were the one in the middle the whole time. Then, you created the volcano eruption. You were the only one that knew that I was there..., you put me there.

When she was there, you knew it. And yet, you told me nothing. When I finally won, you decided to play the good guy and spill everything, creating a tension that I could have avoided.

I was stuck in the middle of the stage with the spotlight so hot that it burnt. Blame me. I was charged to be guilty.

You staged it, didn't you? We were just pawns in your game of chess. You made me seem like the villain. When all this time, you were behind it all. How could you be so cold?

And your friends. They knew it too. They knew about it all. The ONLY thing that no one knew about was ME. Because had you known, you would have told me. Had he known, he would cry out foul. Because in all honesty, no matter how evil you guys were, not once did you realize that the devil was HIM.

But in my eyes, you are all sinners. Yeah, go ahead and blame me. For every little piece of shit. I don't care. You want to know why? Because I don't give a damn what people think. Once it's out, no matter what, they will go on thinking what they want to think.

But when everything blows up in all your faces, don't point your finger at me. Because I TOLD YOU SO.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Remorse. Regret. And an understanding.


Maybe it's regret. Maybe even remorse. Or maybe it's the fact that I DIDN'T know. And that it shouldn't have mattered. Because I should have known.

He smiled.
That's it?
It's not the smile. It's why he did. And I smile now...though I feel like crying.

l pray. And then, fear. But not remorse.

I am afraid. That maybe myths are true. And if they are, and if I prove that they are, then t'is the end of life as we have known it to be.

Praying on and on without a miss, but perhaps too late.
Keyword: LATE.

Which brings forth fear. Yes. Fear. But not remorse. Because although I am not ready, I will take it as it is.

So with all the symptoms, I go for the ultimate test. And I pray.

An adult action. An adult mistake. An adult consequences.
I am not an adult. I am only a girl.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Last Kiss.

"If we ever fight or if we ever lose each other, remember this moment..." 859

The taste of coffee still lingers.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Don't give up until we try.

I think we just did.

"Please be alright."

If you can be okay, so can I. Since you're fine, so am I.

p/s. I'm lying. But you'll never know.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Bitch fight.

It was so funny. SO FUNNY!

I don't know why I can't stop laughing when really, we were both just childish and reckless and dumb.

It's an ultra short story with all the drama. Haha. Drama Queen.

No. Seriously. It was funny.

Actually, what is wrong with this?

So I pray on and on.
Wishing I knew what was on your mind.
But I don't.

And nobody knows but me, that tears fall so freely.

I can't think. But I can't help thinking, that it's not a mistake. But maybe it was?

But how did we ever get this far? If we can go through that, then we can go through this.

But maybe we went too far? But if we can go that far, then we can come back...or not?

Monday, December 20, 2010

And he comes in with the rain.

21 December 2010

"I am ready."

When it hurts?

When you say that we should be just friends at least for now.
When you call my name.
When you say goodbye without anything else.
When you smile and say that it's going to be okay.
When you act like you don't care.
When you act like you care.
When you gotta go.
When you try to reassure me.

20 December 2010
You broke my heart.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Why I keep him...

We have a time limit. And I don't want it to end.
But after yesterday, I know, that when the time comes, I am strong enough to let go.
But I don't want to let go. Not just yet.

We are different. That's for sure. But it's okay to be different. What makes you different makes you beautiful.

And maybe we do it differently. And maybe we don't understand each other.
But we learn from mistakes. are not a mistake.

19 December 2010. 1843

I can't take it anymore.

3 Months

Both of us are messed up.
Both of us have to work on ourselves.
Both of us always make mistakes.

But that's because we are both just human.

So let's start over.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I'm too tired tonight to call your name.

Have you ever agreed to something you completely disagree to, or did something you never wanted to do, or didn't do something you've always wanted to do, just because you don't want to seem selfish. You wanted to be understanding and sweet and all you wanted to do was to make that other person happy?

Well, it sucks.
Keeping it bottled up inside. It doesn't just disappear. That disappointment and hurt. In fact, it grows even deeper. It becomes too much until you suffocate and can't breathe.

Then, it hits you. And it hits you HARD! All this time, you were never truly happy...never sad...nor angry. You were so

But now that realization has struck, you start to feel the chilly atmosphere crawling down your spine...and you drown in the empowering waves of emotion...of hatred. Tears start forming in your eyes and they flow so easily.

And your heart?
Its broken.

"Living in the fast lane because I don't want to think about anything."
But I don't have a choice, now, do I?

Monday, December 13, 2010

And the best part is we have done most of it

Emotional wreck.

Yes. I'm crazy. That's just it, though. It makes me wonder if I know what I have gotten myself into. Because...I don't.

Saturday, December 11, 2010


"Waking up next to you with your arms around me,
the sun was shining and I keep on hoping,

Friday, December 3, 2010

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life...
...but you're not one of them.

But if it was a mistake, then remember, that you are my favourite mistake.

The saying goes:
"Never regret anything, because at one point you wanted it."
And we did want it. So much.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The thing about love... that you never really see it coming.

And the best way to say I love you... just by saying...


Monday, November 15, 2010

Better than revenge.

So I say i'm sorry.
Here I am again,
Begging you please.
Just please respect me.
Hold on to your last shred
Of dignity,
And walk away.
Just walk away,
and let it go.

Didn't steal. Wasn't taken. So I took it.

Friday, November 12, 2010

"I'm lucky to have you."

"The first thing I thought when I first saw you just now was 'Wow. She's beautiful.'"

The last thing I thought as I turned away from you was 'Oh, god, please let this last forever.'

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

She 's good at the game. But I don't want to play.

You can sing to me Better Than Revenge and he'll tell you that I am Much Better but the endless chain of songs will end at one point. Mutual destruction.

Ready? I'm not. And truth be told, I'll never be.

The game is simple. You pull. I let go. You fall. Where does it end? We'll have to find out now, won't we?

I'm not going to fight something that is not mine to fight for. If it wasn't meant for me, wasn't meant for me! But who ever said it was meant for you?

Because I'm tired of all these games and never-ending scheming. But whoever said I'll back down?

In this game of tug of war, the winner is neither you nor I. So, what's the prize that you're eying? Let me ask you this, is it worth dying?

It is so on.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Can't help looking back...

"One must always maintain one’s connection to the past and yet ceaselessly pull away from it"

"What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?"

Please forgive me for not knowing. Please forgive me for never really wanting to know. I was never ready to face it, so I ran. I ran away when you did nothing to stop me...or you did. I just couldn't face it.

I can't help thinking about the promised. And I promised. And when everything came crashing down on us, I blamed you for breaking me.

Then, you said you're sorry. But I wouldn't listen. I couldn't. My heart couldn't take it.

And now, you still keep to your promise. But I can't meet you halfway. Not anymore.

But I can't help it. I keep wondering, what if I do? What if I run, right now?

...I really did let you go...
...But it still hurts sometimes.

To miss you: To discover or regret the loss or absence of someone.

Missing someone isn't about how long its been since you've seen them last...
Or the amount of time since you've talked...
It's about the very moment when you're doing something...
...and you wish that they were right there with you.

It takes a great deal to walk the present. It takes even more, to walk away from the past.

We never needed each other. We were just there for each other. I miss that. And I realize that it's okay. It's okay to think of you...and to miss you.

So everytime I look at the Statue of Liberty, I smile. Because I know, when you see it, you think of me too.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sometimes, I just don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I spent every waking minute trying to rationalize something that was foreseen a long time ago. Just because we pretend to be blind to it, doesn't mean it was never there.

Even though I keep questioning what you have never answered...I still can't move an inch from where I have been rooted.

I don't understand. And worst still, I don't know what to believe anymore.

"If he loves you, he won't hurt you. If he hurts you, he doesn't love you."

It shouldn't matter. I shouldn't care...

...just because I don't mind, doesn't mean I don't care.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Life is like a storybook.

1st of November 2010.

Everything happened so fast. It couldn't be stopped. I didn't want it to stop. It was meant to be. The world kept on spinning and spinning...and when it stopped. So did I. But it's's alright. Because that is our way of holding on.

"I'm sorry."

Well, I'm not.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The first wish is the last wish...

You were the first person to wish me last year. And truth be told, the thought of you had been lingering at the back of my mind for quite awhile. The days passed and I shrug it off. Not once, can you see the question mark and hope that I held.

Then, at 1am the following day, it happened. My last wish was from you. And for that, I thank you. Because you will always be a part of our story, incompleted with the screwed up storyline.

I smile now because it meant a lot more than I ever could imagine when after months and months of being M.I.A., you still made my day. So thank you. For going through so much with me.

Keep Holding On...

"When you go, please, take care. I don't want to lose you. I love you."
Wish we could stay this way forever.

Of wishes and more SURPRISES!

Thank you Deanna for giving such a lovely surprise.
I was so blur after receiving a call from AFS, when Mel pulled me and made me close my eyes. He pushed me into the wall. *haha. Obviously NOT!* When I opened my eyes, there was a cake, lighted candles included, and everyone sang 'Happy Birthday' to me. *awww! How sweet!*

Then, Mr. Teh also bought me cake. And we celebrated my birthday again. WEE!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Of gifts wraps, ribbons and SURPRISES!

Thank you everyone that wished me on my 17th birthday whether it was via SMS or Facebook all the way to phone calls and in person.

A little before midnight, I got my first wish...and truth be told, that itself was a wish coming true. With a laugh and nostalgic gesture, it was an annual thing that will forever be in my heart.

I barely slept. After receiving text after text and calls after calls, the night turned into a perfect bliss. The only present I ask from you is just to have you. "Love me. Hold me. And never let go. Promise?"
But if you really want to make up for it, get me a diamond ring! *haha. JOKE!*

My day was filled with gifts and I was showered with birthday wishes...some expected, some reminded...and some...were surprises and a gift from heaven.
I miss you guys too. Thank you for being there for me. I love you guys too. And thank you, even more, for putting it behind us.

In the car, on the way back from shopping with my mum, MAI called me as she was waiting for me to get home as she was soaked by the rain. SURPRISE! haha. While on the phone with PENNY, I tore off the gift wrap, read the hand-made and BEAUTIFUL card, and saw them staring back at me. Haha. OMG! You guys are CRAZY!! Haha. Yes, I know I love you, Penny and Mai.

He tried to surprise me by coming all the way here. Unfortunately, that's what you get when you drive without a license.
It's the effort that you put in and the thought that makes me smile. It's more than any girl could ever wish for. It was truly meaningful and I really am thankful for having you in my life. And I do know that I am very lucky and completely blessed to have you.

Thank you Grace, Nick, Shelumiel, Nasyim, Joel Lai, Deanna, Jasyu, Kamil and everyone in KBSM5!!
Thank you Penny and Mai for being the best girls in the WORLD!
Thank you Luqman for the teddy bear and the SWEETEST gestures.
Thank you Ash, Rose and Fatin Fatihah for keeping me in your hearts.
Thank you Freez for being my best friend for soooooo LLOOOOONNNGGG and for many years to come. *YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME!HAHAHA!*
Thank you Haziq for everything you could ever give me.
Thank you Najmi for giving me everything I could ever wish for.

Thank God for making all my dreams come true.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Make me smile...

I came home and found a package ready for me on the table. What a LOVELY SURPRISE!

From Luqman 'abang besar' Ramli.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

No one can know.

There is 3 sides to a story.
...and Theirs.
The only people that know the truth, pure and absolute, is me and you.

I question this now because that is what they saw.
I question this now because of what they didn't.

When letting go is all I do, I can't help it but to wonder what was it that no one else knew but you?
Behind the secret smile and brief touches of sparks that created the twinkle in your eyes... one can know. No one will.

As I try to decipher your confusing shrugs and your hypocritical stare as you cocked your head to the side, I understood one thing... really thought I was that naive to believe forgive you...or delude myself into loving you...
...or maybe... wasn't me.
It was you.

And I do forgive you. But I'll never forget it.


The final piece of the puzzle is with you.
But I solved the game.

You'll never know,

Bliss: Extreme happiness ; Ecstasy

One month filled with pure bliss.
I love you. And a piece of my heart will always be with you.
This much I promise.
Forever yours.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Everything was wrong...but it was right.

16 October 2010
Ipoh International School had its International Day.

I performed (sing) with Nasyim and Nick and (dance) with Charlotte, Merisha and Rachel.
Kudos to Nick for make-up.

Lovely surprise courtesy of Adib and Mai: Penny.
Awesome non-surprise by Nasyim: Peya and Ansari.

I have a henna tattoo on my arms. Mai and Penny did it on their hands.

We walked around and sat around and blocked everyone's way. We had SUPER FUN doing absolutely nothing. Haha.

Best moment: Hang up Nasyim's call and stole his phone.

Favorite quote: "Tu pun nak report?" By Nasyim to Ansari about going to the men's room.

Funniest time: "Betul lah die tido," said Ansari about Haziq when Nasyim and I were talking about someone else and something else. *Kalau x tau, jangan menyampuk.*

Shoot. Shag. Or Marry?

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Dreams do come true...

I had a dream. I dreamed a dream. A dream is a wish your heart makes...
...these are all names of songs that relates to dreams.

I believe that dreams are what is on your subconscious mind. Answers to the questions you never dare to ask...a message that you never truly realized...until you dream it. And you know. You just do.

It was the future. It was bizarre. It was ridiculous in every way...going against my principals and yours...

Then, at the end, the question raised was in fact the answer to everything.

"Do you wish the end to be true?"

...No. I wish every part of it will come true.

"I miss you. Please, don't let me go. I still love you"

Saturday, October 9, 2010

What makes you so special?

You were always there for me.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Stay with me forever.

Some things are just meant to be...
...some things are worth a lifetime.

It was the happiest day. It was the best day.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Party in the USA!

"Dear Syahira Zakaria,

Congratulations! You have been guaranteed a place by AFS USA for the Semester YES Program sponsored by the US Department of State Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs."

Just got the email like 5hours ago. OMFG! Haha.
Thank god.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Happy Birthday PennyQi!

On this special day, I dedicate this post to my one and only,

You're 17 now. You are no longer a cute little thang. You are now a lady! So, my sexy designer babe, go get your car keys because you have got to drive me around! Haha.

With LOVE.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I want you.

19 September 2010

Carve it in my heart forever.

"I think I'm ready"

I'm yours.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

You had me at "No!"

First you confuse me. Then you say you're sorry.
I asked for the same thing I have asked you all along.
And then, you tell me it's okay.

But is it enough?

You answered, "No...."

And that was all that I needed to know.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

(DON'T!!)Forget it

At that time, I was happy. I was so excited That I just had to tell you about it...but you have forgotten that, right?...You have forgotten all that had made us happy together...

You love me. So what?

Let's just put all these behind us...just forget all this, okay? Forget that I love you or that you love me...

It's over. So over.

I know that I have hurt you,
But I do...I do love you.
And though you have hurt me,
You still say that you love me.

I odn't want to let you go. Please, don't let go. Not yet. Oh, god, hurts so much.

Monday, September 13, 2010

It has gone WAAAYYYY past complicated.

We had a HUGE fight. My fault. His fault. We are all at faults. Well, guess what? It's over before it even started.

You broke my heart. Congratulations. The funny thing is, all I asked from you was not to lie. You had my heart. You did. Maybe I didn't trust you. But you gave me reason not to.

"It's simple. You want me. Or you don't. All or nothing."

Yet, you still didn't choose.
So...I choose.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Complicated? No, it's simple.

" S
o maybe it's complicated because I'm sick & tired of the Roller Coaster ride of one day it's "I love you & can't live without you," & the next day it's "F#@$ YOU I'm leaving" & the next day after that it's, "Please don't leave me I'll die without you."
Then I tell him " No way, you're not coming back in this time, take a hike, I'm sick of waiting for the other shoe to drop!" & I get back from him days of crying & begging & swearing it'll never happen again & his saying "I'll never ACTUALLY leave you," but he'll put me through hell for 2 or 3 days at a time during the times he semi-leaves calling me every name in the book, cutting me to ribbons with his words, assaulting my character, my beliefs, my choices in life. He'll blame me for every short coming he has & when I'm in tears in a pile on the floor & concede by saying "Ok! I'm done! Leave & never darken my door again!" he'll flip & beg me not to throw him out because he didn't REALLY mean it; & he swears yet again that he'll never do it again.
Well to quote DePeche Mode "Never again is what u swore the time before." So I'm damned if i do & damned if i don't. So I call that "complicated" & that's unfortunately a far far cry from "single" "

If it is complicated, don't kid yourself. You're single.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Keep me in your memory.

Friendship ends. Understand?

But I don't. Because it was fate...when we met. Something pulled me to the piano. And something pulled you to the piano too. It wasn't my playing. And it wasn't like you played. And everything else that follows, was history. So it can't end. Not this way.

Monday, August 23, 2010

It's in his lies.

Liars. I hate them. Saying one thing to you and another thing to another. I didn't expect it at all. In fact, I hoped that those were just rumours made up in a swift of broken hearts and brief flashes of red. How could I have known that the liar...was you?

If I was to start from the very beginning, that would be years worth of crap that would uncover the truth behind all the big fake smiles and crocodile tears. Which comes down to this...You. Me. And all your lies.

First, I admit, it was my own idiocracy, which led me to believe you. I was special. That's what you said. That's what you told me. That was the first lie.
How many times have you used that line? Works like a charm everytime, doesn't it?
I'm not buying it anymore.

Second, was your oh-so-charming truth-like sexy drawl...which really just proves my first point. So effortless yet it painted such hardwork on your side. You tried so hard. *yeah, right!*
You were good. Really good. But not good enough.

The third, which is pretty much an elaboration on my stupidity, would be the fact that my heart, unfortunately, cannot think by itself. It can only feel. Well, I doubt your heart can do either...which even things out, right?...Or not. Maybe that's why we're so far apart. I push you. You push me. That kind of thing.
Anyway, back to the point...I'm not sure I have one at this point, but the point is...'s that love is blind.
It blinded me, and it still does, from seeing your non-existant sincerity, your not-so-heartfelt pours of love and the hours of your time creating more and more bullshit!
And I knew it too. So why the hell am I still here?
Without stating the obvious? But it Actually, that is why it hurts.

And fourth? It was all your promises.
Really. You should win the Oscars. You made your role more believable then the people on reality shows. And they aren't even acting.
"I promise." Were you crossing your fingers when you said that? And still, you said it in the damnest way possible. With love. Haha. Bullshit.

How odd. My condition was simple. I said it once. And I meant it for always. My heart in exchange for your heart. It's only fair.

You break my heart. I take your heart...and break it like a twig.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I'm done.

Lies. A string of lies. Lies after lies.

Before I walk away, leaving you to cry...just promise me one thing.
Don't tell me you love me when you don't.
Don't make me fall for you when you don't intend to catch me.
And DON'T you EVER take my heart when you CANNOT HANDLE IT!

I'm DONE with you. So just go.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

If this was everyday of my life to the end...


Me: You know I don't eat spicy food.
Mama: Macho la sikit!

Can you believe that? Hahaha.

"I miss you. I wish I could kiss you goodnight. I wish you could hold me in your arms and never let go. I just want to be with you...even for just a moment. That's how much I love you"

Haha. *Gag* It's sooo corny, man.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

In the event that I feel something, my deathbed is likely upon me.

AFS YES selection camp was OH MY GOD-Wonderful!

Here, I must holler at my girls, Elanni and Alia! Thanks for an awesome and unforgetabLe weekend fuLL of Laughing out Loud and Lots of Love. Haha.
In our 'L's and 'loser' signs, most would have thought were obsessed with Glee. Obsessed? YES. Glee? Urm, no.

Luqman made my weekend fun too. Thanks for acting like a bodyguard that is 3times my size. And not to forget Group2!! And Syant (is that how to spell his name?) It really was FUN!!

Elanni and Alia, no, girls. NO! Goodluck to you too, babes! Hopefully all of us get the YES Program. No. I'm no wishing you guys luck on things like what you guys wished me luck! Haha.

To every guy that has been pushing you-know-who in my face, I am not a shopaholic and he isn't for sale!

There's so much to tell. Even the electrifying jolt of chemistry which Luqman and I call 'the feel' existed one moment. But that is a story for another time.

3 weeks of hols. That's all I have to say. A LOT has happened. And A LOT MORE STILL HASN'T HAPPEN!!! Static je. Haha. *Haa.Apa makna tu?Haha*

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Only me. Without you.

She will laugh at your jokes, give you her secret smile, be with you till the end. But she will never love you.

Because he never looked back to see her tears.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Frustrating, is it not? When it blows up in your face the moment you reach it...

Luqman and I exchanged love stories. Yes, stories of our parents and stories of our own.

And after awhile, I start to realise how different love and 'LOVE' are. You care about someone, you dream about someone. That's not really love.

When you fall in love, it doesn't matter who you are or who he is. It's not about anything at all. It doesn't have to be devastatingly romantic and extravagant. It's just you and him. Me and know? That kind of thing.

And so I wait...for that one true unconditional yet unbearable love that touches the soul...

I had it...didn't I? Isn't that why I can't seem to let you go no matter what?

p.s. to you know who you are, you don't love him. you don't. but I won't tell you this. you have got to see it for yourself.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

She has something that's going to blow my mind. But I got explosives!

Since I found the stash of romance novels hiding behind a row of mysteries, I have been reading like...a LOT! Even exchanged books with Dee. I am in love with love. Haha. How crazy is that?

But I'm still brutal. Without naming the three guys that appeared on my caller ID and made me laugh all day, they said somethings that are totally out of order and ungentlemanly, I choked. Talking about tackling in rugby and ones foot in someone else's face is not really the responds they were looking for. Well, I'm only reading romance novels...not living in one!

"You don't know whether something is a mistake or not until you make that mistake and look back and say, "Oh, that was the mistake." But maybe it would be an even bigger mistake not making that mistake."


"I want her to hurt. And if she's idiotic enough, she'll make a fool of herself. I don't really have to do anything. Just show him that I have moved on. Then, he will hurt and in turn, she will hurt."

"Mummy, how come you hurt him but she will hurt? "

"Because she thinks I'll hurt seeing him but being with another guy will make him hurt. And the way he will act when I am around will cause her to realise that her plan backfired. And the fact that he cares that I've moved on will make her hurt knowing that she doesn't really have him. And all my dreams come true. "

"Okay. Great plan mummy. Just take care of yourself and don't sound as evil as a witch. Haha."

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Relieve me of this dream I'm dreaming.

Even after all the wasted breath and words still not spoken,
I still love you with all my heart though it is broken. And although I said I would rather know...if you really did give up without me knowing...don't. I beg you, please. Because I am still here...

And I woke up. As the answers reveal what I was so blind to see.
Was that what I have been seeking? Was it a dream or was it a lesson?
And I wanted to reach for you...reach to you...but I can't. Because you're gone.

Eventhough I know that there will never be that one ever again but I can't help it. I can't help but to refuse seeing it whole-heartedly. To hurt, to show the hurt and to get hurt all at once. That was because when I know, I will let you go.

And now, I have to.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Who says the truth is gonna save you?

When people ask you, "What happened?", you can't help but to think about the answer.

There's THE story...
...and there's the story.

The story is the one everyone knows. The one that you tell around but with some missing bits and pieces.

THE story is the whole story, simply complicated and full of consequences.

The difference? One small almost insignificant detail. But that detail could change your view in life. That detail could change the outcome of things. That detail is the key. That is why you never ever tell THE story. Not to anyone.

Sometimes, it can save someone's life. just hurts too much.

You rather no one knows. Because no one is gonna understand anyway. And is easier to pretend it never happened. No one gets hurt if no one knows.

So...what's the story?

Friday, June 18, 2010

Climate change so take cover!

The past few weeks have been weird and just so wrong.

'A won't talk to B. C is with D. E went crazy. F is so emo. And G is just plain annoying.' Kind of thing. *Not really happening...actually kinda*

In this crazy, tragic, almost awful yet beautiful and awesome life, people change. Things happen. And feelings? They fade. And in that time, you grow.

I used to think that it wouldn't be called a crush if tit didn't hurt. So as I waited for the final blow, I understood...that someday, someone will walk into your life and make you smile. That person will never let you down, will not hurt you and most importantly...will love you for you.

Maybe there are holes in relationships. Some can be mended. Some just hurt. But aren't we old enough...wise enough to know how to handle it?

So what do you do?
When you love someone who doesn't love you?
When you don't love someone who loves you?
When love isn't enough?
or When just love itself is enough?

In the end though, no matter what your choice...someone will get hurt. If not them...then, it's you. If it was expected though...if it was known...would it hurt less?

The thing is, at this moment, everything just shoots up at the same time, blocking the view and throwing all elements in different directions...I am blinded. By hope. By dreams. By wishes. And all these jumbles up with reality.

When the world stops spinning...will I?

I just want to keep dancing in the rain.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The only law online is that there is no law.

Noel and Azrul were really funny during tuition just now.

Azrul: If I was your son, what would you do?
Noel: Jump out the window.
Me: Kill you.

Azrul: Mum wats for dinner?can take me go have ice cram yummy
Me: Stale fish with raw chicken.sure.can.but your paying.
Azrul: Sushi yay..i thought a mum always suppose to belanja

1. Even if you know all about being on the rebound, you can't help but be one.
2. Even if it kills you, the other person has got to know he/she was right..and you were wrong.
3. Even when everything you ever wished for has never come can't help but to keep on wishing.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Break me.

He was not the least bit subtle about defending his friend. Did you like hire him or something? And I did not cry over you.

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't died and gone to another lifetime.

Let me finish this for you. You are so full of it. Understand?

I didn't choose you.
I wouldn't choose you.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Yes? No? Maybe?

He called me at 11.36pm.
Oh. My. God.

Like WTH? He wanted to 'explain' things. So there is no 'complications between "us",' Ermm. There is no 'us'!

You can go on and on about it...and tell me what you want me to believe...or more of what YOU want to believe. But like I said, not in this lifetime.

Why? Again, I ask, WHY? Why lie? Why keep on lying. I said that I don't want to hear anymore crap...don't you get it? I'm not angry about her. I'm angry that you lied. And if you're going to continue saying that you didn't lie, Fine! But don't...I repeat, DON'T try to convince me. If I feel like you are being honest, I'd believe you. But, dude, say it to my face.

Why call me in the middle of the night? Always in the middle of the night!

And why? Just why did you call? Out of courtesy or something? Guilt, maybe? What happened to your manners before? Seriously?

And why so sudden? Why so late?

I kept saying "Yeah." "It's fine." "Ok." "Ermm." because what was I supposed to say?!Call me with an unknown number, in the middle of the night. I thought it was someone else. Then, said, "Hey. It's me."

You're so lucky I know your voice so much that it gave me a shock. Or else I'll be saying, "Who?"
And Penny, you know what he said in the end? "I'll text you, ok?" Not okay. Can you believe this guy?

When one becomes two and zero became one...

12 became 7. Then, unexpectedly changed to 9. But from 7, it became 6 because I didn't know. So when 1 became 2 I felt that it was fate. Especially when 0 became 1 again. It was like there was something there. Yes, there was. God told me to get it over and done with.

Maybe it wasn't like I expected, wished or even hoped...the point is that it is over. So over.

Don't wake me up even when it ends.

He said he didn't lie. Then, he asked me, "So is there any way i can make it up or just be left unforgiven?"

I was ready to believe him. I thought, okay, I need this to end now. And it was okay...until I woke up.

I put on an all black attire, looked in the mirror and changed. Mai and Chepah greeted me in Jusco. I saw 'her' which meant 'they' were so gonna be there and that would include 'him'. And there he was. I said hi to them but not him. I went off.

I asked him if he was still there after his movie. Maybe can meet up? He didn't reply. No...he replied. ONE HOUR AND A HALF LATER! He was about to go off at that time.

Ermm, dude! Isn't it obvious that he is a coward? No? No. It's obvious that he lied.

And Grace told me he likes some girl who isn't me. I couldn't care less. It hurts. But I'd rather know than not.

Watched Killers. Haha. Funny and so predictable, actually.

Went home. I'll be fine. I'll be okay. I'll be strong. Because I am me! Yeahh!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Graduation Night. Prom.

Nasyim and me.

At first, did my hair at 4pm. I thought want to do at 5pm but my mum say I'm crazy. It took 2hours to do my hair. Haha. Then go Nasyim's house. Khalida was doing Jasyu's hair and make up. After that, my turn. delayed to prom because Jasyu's dress zipper rosak. Haha. Funny.

At prom, I saw so many pretty girls with set hair. Btw, Jamie won best dressed. Memang cun pun! Then...
...he was with her.

My mood spoil, you know!

I danced like crazy at first. Chang Lin spinned me over and over and OVER again. Ben came and lifted me *cradle* and spinned with me in his arms like crazy. Haha.

Slow danced with Kian Seng, Shahrizal, Junior, Nasyim, Kamil, Chang Lin and Sean Mark Wilson.

If you are wondering about a certain someone *cough*liar*cough*, he went home early. He was gone when I started dancing. I don't want to see him ever again in my life.

Went home at 11.30pm++.

All I wanted was a night to remember. And that's what I got. And I did have fun. I was sad and moody. But I had Jasyu, Nasyim, Nick, Dee, Jamie and Junior...even Wai Hung came and sat with me and asked me what's wrong. And definitely Zhen Yeap, that smiled at me, talked to me...and most importantly...said bye to me on facebook. Haha.

The truth will come out. So why lie?

What the hell la dude?
Enough, okay? Stop lying. You know, I believed every bullshit you told me. I defended you whenever my friends talk bad about you. I even believed you over him. Yeah, he was the one who told me that you were going with his sister. And you had the nerve to lie and deny it.
What was so hard about telling the truth?
If you’re gonna create another crap…DON’T! I’m not even asking for an apology or whatever.
I just want to know WHY did you lie?

That was what I sent after going home.

"So u lied."
"What u mean?"
"Everything...every bullshit you told me. all dat I idiotically believed."
No reply.
"U r not even man enough to tellh d truth. no guts!"

I don't regret that. I regret not slapping his face. I regret not kicking him where it hurts. I regret not being able to say anything.

I have really fallen for you. And apparently, I fell for all your lies too.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Save the last dance for me.


I think we have to kutip balik all that popcorn.

Turns out, we have no idea which one is a lie. And guess what?
Saving me a dance was the last thing I expected would be the outcome of all that crazy thing.

Hahaha. I'm ROFLMAO. Made the power of the nightmare turn into a dream again.

Pretty little big fat liar.

Oh my god.
How could you?

I shed so many tears because of you. And I thought, hey, at least this time, it would be the last one. The one that I have expected. But you, being you just had to add to it. Make me cry again. I hope those popcorns made ants crawl up your skin and give you rashes!

"I said 'Hi'." Well, so did I! Yes, I was really bitchy but at least, I didn't lie. I didn't make up excuses and made you believe an IDIOT!

They told me to push away my pride. He told me that on that day, it didn't matter. But you LIED to me. And THAT mattered!


Today, I had Penny and Mai doing me a HUGE favour. Haha. And they are the KILLERS with popcorn. Hahaha.

I'm laughing. Because inside...
...I'm dying.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

God gives...then, takes it back. (repost)

Have you ever felt like everything is just right...
and then, in just a blink of an eye everything becomes so WRONG?

There's this prayer
Grant me the SERENITY
to accept the things I cannot change,
to change the things I can,
And the WISDOM
to know the difference.

What if God did give you that wisdom, then suddenly, out of the blue, he takes it back?
Then, you are left with a HUGE confusion between what you CAN change and what you can't. And then, you start questioning fate.

What's 'Fate'? I mean, seriously, what is it? People say fate is your path. That no matter what...everything that happens to FATE.
BUT people keep saying, "DON'T BLAME IT ON FATE."
If it's not fate, then it won't happen. But it happened. Whether it's failing, wining or's fate isn't it? Or not?
COnfused? So am I!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Reshween Maan

This superly awesome lady is now a 17 years OLD LADY! Haha. I dedicate this post to her as she is one lucky charm. *wink.wink* haha. She is tall, pretty and very macho. That is why I love of laa. She is one person who would slap me in the face just to give me wake up call. And for that, I thank you!!

Make 17 wishes. And dream 17 dreams. And make sure I'm in every one of them. Haha.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Tell me you care. Now tell me the truth.

Friday was just another day that passed by like *snap* THAT!

Rose texted. She told me that my dress is ready. But her mum wants to make it a surprise. OMG! I don't know what to do. I want to see my dress NOW!
Haha.*Crazy already*

Shelumiel is such an awesome friend...Thank you for being a great friend.
As for his friend, what an a$$! Think he so pro. If she wasn't there to protect you, I would have chocked you to death! I understand where she's coming from because I'm exactly like her when it comes to that guy, but dude! You maybe our friend, but I swear, one more strike and I'm gonna strike that already ugly face of yours. You read me? You break her heart, I break your neck!

I miss MRSM Taiping. It sucks to admit it but I was breezing through the yearbook which arrived a few days ago. Then, today I was looking at their pictures and some that got me in it. I wonder...what if I never left?
What would have happened to the gang?
What would have happened between me and 'PP'?
What would have happened to me?

If I could have one more day in there...what would I do? Hurmm.

If I stop thinking about now. And go to the past, I...I feel so much better than I do now. If I never stepped foot in IIS...none of this would have happened.

But that would be whole other adventure (ADVENTUROUS!). A wayy different and much more complicated drama.

And if I go further back, I get to see Penny and Reshween. And my days are better. Funnier. And so much more awesome.

I love you. Penny, Reshween, Mai, Adib, Hannan, Bat, Nasyim, Shelumiel, Jasyu, Deanna, Nick, Rose, Qish, Shud, Aiza, Ainaa, Haan, Syidi, Auji, Fatim, Fazi, Olan, Akif and so many more. SOOO MANY MORE!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Embrace the moment because it is so going to be over.

It was not 12. It was 7. Then, it changed to 8. I hope it's 9. But 8 went down the drain. So it is 7 again. Maybe it is actually 6. But then, again, I hope there is still 7.

On a happier note:
I'm seeing Penny and Najmi at the interview this Tuesday.
Production tickets will be on sale starting Monday.
Reshween's birthday present.*AHA!*
I'm going to prom with my bestie.*well, that is that.*

During production practice on Tuesday, I wore tights. This is what Suhan said, "Why is your face like Malay but your legs like Chinese?" Haha. I bursted out laughing. The boys really need some tight slaps. Wolf-whistle some more. HORRIFYING!

If I say I haven't been sad, I'd be lying...but...there is always Penny and Reshween who can give me a good conversation. There's also Mai and Adib who are always there for me for some strange reason. Haha.

Olan got suspended from school and called it 'Cuti Paksa'. hah!

I want to jump off a cliff now. Later.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Designers, Divas and, definitely, Dramas!

Prom dress cloth shopping was sooo crazy. No one takes 2hours just for 2pieces of cloth. Haha. Dah la all were against me. I thought bringing someone from a different side of my life would give a different view.

I was so WRONG! Haha.

Adib arrived first. Then, Mai did. Penny was fashionably late. Haha. Picked N up on the way to Kamdar. After a lot of, "No, Syahira. No." we stumbled upon two-toned cloths. I accidentaly stepped on one. Haha. Pure luck. And thanks to the model holding the cloth, Penny who already had 8 designs in hand, designed another dress on the spot. Fuh! *applause* hebat!

N rode on d back of my driver's motorcycle to go home. Haha! We, the girls, spent all day in my room, camwhored in my brother's room, online, mcD and phonecalls. Oh my god to the phone calls.

They were like, "Call him!" Penny said something like, "Regret now or regret forever." So I chose to regret now.

Notice that it's calling someone. Too bad you can't see the name! Haha.

In front all my girls, I called ‘Him’. He didn’t answer. Hahaha. Buat nervous je.
So while we were all online, my mum texted me, asking me to open my email. Then, I received a call. It was not my mum. It was ‘him’.

I was like, “Oh my god.” Penny, Mai and Adib were screaming with me, not knowing what to do. I answered. Put it on loudspeaker but ‘he’ was busy. He said he’d call me back.

Two hours later, after camwhoring, eating mcD and watching music videos and Gossip Girl, still no call. I was on the floor. Penny, online. Mai was on one bed reading a magazine and Adib, on the other bed, reading a manga. So Mai read our horoscopes. Mine saying exactly what was happening to me at that exact moment. Called Shelumiel for a minute. Fine, I’ll miss call the guy!
At 6.30pm, Adib went home. We, Penny and Mai played tarot cards and fortune telling. So dumb, ok! But again it was saying exactly what was happening in my life. Though, quite insulting about my past, I got a bright future. Haha.

Mai went home earlier than Penny. We were looking at dresses online at the time. Penny’s dad and mine were like, “Why is Penny not sleeping over?” Haha. Penny got KPP exam the next day which, by the way, she passed.

After watching 2seconds of Heroes, I read Girl in Heels instead. I slept kind of early after a very tiring day.

Midnight, I got the phone call. *insert the post below*

The next day, I got the letter from AFS, a foreign exchange student program. I have an interview. Yay!!! I watched the Proposal and The Blind Side. Both, having Sandra Bullock as their lead. She ROCKS!

I had a good weekend. I really did. Just one penyibuk of a sadness. But everything else was the BEST!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Questions with a devastatingly short answer...

I usually post on my private blog about what really happened, but now, it's war.

I didn’t know that anyone could feel so…so stupid.

“Anything?” he asked. Ah! Like he didn’t know! As if la! Think he so pro!

“We are going to be in the same room and all…”
Seriously? That was what he first said. Excuse me! Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid. You KNOW what I’m asking you.

“Yeah, I know…”
If you know what I’m asking than why the hell are you acting so retarded?

“I planned to go alone.”

“No hard feelings?”
I don’t know. I can’t feel. I literally CAN’T F***ING FEEL ANYTHING RIGHT NOW!

“So who’s the guy?”
OH. MY. GOD. OH MY GOD! SERIOUSLY? Don’t you dare act like you don’t know. Want me to say it out loud? FINE. It’s you, obviously.

“Thanks for making me the ‘right guy’ *something like that*…”
I did not MAKE you the right guy. Hell, I wouldn’t choose you if I had to follow my brain. But the heart is whole other organ. Don’t thank me cause you’re just KILLING me! I can make it through 2 weeks.

After that, it’s goodbye. I can get through this. I CAN! I MUST! I…I…I just want to hang myself.
The thing is…I don’t care that the ‘right guy’ is soooo in the wrong. I don’t. But damn, I feel so vulnerable. Like, you can just put a knife through my chest, twist and pull…if you wanted to.

And still, ffter everything, I still say that I rather hurt now than later.

But…damn! That hurt. You racist a$$.


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Under construction for a prom dress.

Why don't I have a prom date? Someone else asked me today. But, sorry!

I'm waiting for the right one to ask me.
How'd I know he's the right one?
When he asks me.

Life is a fairytale. Haha.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Choose me. Pick me. Love me.

This week, I'm going to tell you what has happened.

1. I got into the final 7 for lead singing the song The Power of The Dream for school production.
2. I finally did my English oral.
3. I'm going to get my prom dress soon.
4. My Bunny is moving in August. *SOOO SAD!*
5. I'm dancing in school porduction with class.

I didn't know that my classmates ROCK! They're the best! They don't judge...much. They really are great, actually. Behind their facade, they are true at heart.

I just want to say, about my oral, it really meant a lot to me. It was my heart and soul being poured out. And although who it was really meant for remains a mystery to most, I...I just never thought that anything like that would matter. It was a free therapy session.

With love.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Forever in my heart. Forever we are apart.

A teacher once taught me a lesson in life.

It's okay to be be apart. Because you build a wall around your heart. So no idiot will come and break it.

Arif Olan, MRSM Taiping told me

Holding on to whatever we have left doesn't mean that the things we planned or wish to happen will happen.

And he taught me that friends don't talk to each other for show. Friends don't leave you confused and in pain. Friends don't try to avoid each other whenever they can.

Talking never felt so hard.

Someone once said, "I'll take the blame. Just for us to get through this."

It's not about him taking the blame. It's the fact that he did it...and WHY? And if he's taking the blame then APOLOGIZE! Doesn't he get it? It hurt!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

All is fair in love and war

Let me tell you a mathematical story.

x+y but y+z
in order for xy to happen,


but z-y does not equal to y+x

the only way for all to be equal,

It means that to achieve equality in the game of life so named after Love and War, we must all be lonely and without anybody.
They say that all is fair in love and war.
That, my friend, is a LIE.

To win the game, you have to use realpolitic. That's why it's all fair in LOVE and WAR. Because in the love game, you use exactly the same strategies in wars.

It's a sick game that devils play with a tear in their eyes for even they know how cruel mankind is.

The story is really simple. It's a love triangle. X likes Y but Y likes Z. So, can you understand the story now?

Friday, April 30, 2010

I used to believe in fairytales.

These are/were my dumb theories of life.

1. There's a saying, 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away.' I used to refuse to eat apples because I thought my dad will not come home if I did.

2. If you don't say something out loud, then it isn't true. *Even if it is*

3. If you keep saying something out loud, then it is true. *Even if it is NOT!*

4. If you keep doing good deeds, then it is okay to sin.

5. If you stop thinking about the problem, the problem goes away.

If only life was that simple.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

My Dad and Facebook???*weirded out*

Things My Daddy Says.

1. If someone is a thief, it doesn't matter if they're rich or poor. Rasuah (bribery) only rich people take.

2. Why should we save all our money? So our kids can have fun with it when we are gone? Why not we have fun instead?

3. If you want to have a good bargain, you must act like you don't really want the item.*never worked for me*

4. We must always finish work first. So we can spend more time sleeping.

5. A mother's second priority is taking care of the family. The to nag.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Love too much to hate. (Repost)

Have you ever felt this feeling brewing in you...when you are convinced that you would most probably burst into flames if you ever see that person ever again?
...Then when she or he is right there in front of you, you end up charging towards her and flinging yourself at her, making contact in a tight embrace. And you feel joy. Because you have missed her so much.

When you guys hang out though, there are somethings that just cannot be said, building tension in the air until you feel like one of you have to suffocate for the other to survive. At one point though, you decide that you rather see yourself lose than lose a friendship.
...And you delude yourself, calling it "Giving in."

How about when you get something but she didn't? Or worststill, she got it but you didn't? You swear to god, you're not drowning in a thick layer of green toxic waste. In fact, you're proud of're happy for her. So, what's that throbbing feeling in your heart that gets tighter and more excruciating than ever?

You gave way because you are friends. She too tries to keep the friendship which have been punctured and scraped off piece by piece. Yet you keep teeling yourself it'd survive. Against all bets...against all odds? Sooner or later, it WOULD burst out and hatred would overwhelm both you and her...
...But it won't.

Because she's your friend as you are hers...maybe...just maybe...if you weren't would have hated her guts, to the core, rivals in every way.
...But you fact...friends.

And you will always be friends.

Friday, April 16, 2010

No offence...but grow up!

Here is a list of 20 characteristics of people who need to grow up.

1. Childish.
2. Laugh at stupid things.
3. Try to be cool.
4. Lie eventhough it is SO F***ing OBVIOUS!
5. Don't admit when wrong.
6. Don't think before talking.
7. Poor choice of words.
8. Complain about everything *When nothing is according to what they want*
9. Don't try to understand others.
10. Judgemental.
11. Immature mentality *Talk bad about those that are a bit behind* or *Thinks that being ahead is "Uncool"
12. Backstabs.
13. Annoying.
14. Don't know what not to say.
15. Don't know when to shut up.
16. Blame other people.
17. Think highly of themselves.
18. Stereotypes.
19. Laughs when they don't know what to do.
20. Rude.

If you are ANY of these 20things, you need to grow up. Please look in the mirror. Don't try to deny...because then, you are just proving my point. Change your mentality la woi!

Seriously. If you have all the characteristics as listed, then you are most probably a spoiled little 8 year old boy.

If you have some of those things, remember, accepting it is the first step to being more matured. If you are one of these but still deny it, then obviously you are not matured at all. Hence, contradicting your own thinking.

If you are none of these, then you are not human. Everyone has at least one of the characteristics. Even adults. So, fellow people in the world, I have only this to say...


Thursday, April 15, 2010


The title speaks for itself. Don’t you think so?

They call love a game, don’t they? Lady Gaga had that song ‘Love Game’. So what am I saying?

Simply, if you don’t want to lose that special someone, then, play the Love Game. No, it is not a game show like ‘Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?’ it is the game of life.

If you open a guide book on ‘How to Get a Guy/Girl’ then you notice that one rule that keeps popping up. The 2 Seconds Glance. If you don’t know this, I guess I’m kind of breaking a girl code but, tsk…everyone knows it. Everyone USES it.

The 2 Seconds Glance work on strangers as well as on a crush you have. When walking, and you see that guy/girl, stop in your tracks and look them in the eye *from a far* for 2 seconds. When he/she looks away, disappear. I promise you that he/she will do a double take. And you’ll be that girl/guy he/she saw that time at that place.

From that rule, some experts came up with another thing called The Secret Smile.

That’s when you and him/her are kind of close somehow someway. So when you are with your friends, you would look at him/her and smile that ‘secret’ smile. Everyone can see it…but he/she will feel special.

Then, there’s the Law of Attraction. That’s the WORST! It works. 100% full proof. Anyone who can apply it into the game WINS. Why? Because it’s in the name: LAW. You can’t change it. It’s human nature. It is UNAVOIDABLE.

And if you use it, and end up giving up just as you were so close to success...that is cruelty. It breaks people’s hearts and just makes them break down. So stop. STOP! Stop hurting others. Stop giving hope. Just stop.

And let me let you go. I give up...because you gave up.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Stop asking the same darn questions and listen to the answer.

Today, Saturday, 10th April, Syeikh Muszaphar came to Ipoh and gave a lecture to about 1600 students. Thanks to Kelab Bakti Gunung Keledang.

I went to Casuarina with my sister, brother and father (the President) to escort the guest of honour to SUK. He didn't go for breakfast. When he stepped out of the lift, he shook my dad's hand. Then, we were introduced. He said my sister was slim and commented on her heels. *WEIRD* We had a little chat and headed for the ride. He rode in a Perdana with my dad and brother. My sister and I went in our car and arrived soooo much faster as they were only going at 40km/h. *lame*

During the Q&A session, the crowd was a real pain in the a$$. No offence. They kept asking the same darn questions over and over again and they don't even listen to his answer. One of the girls actually went and took a picture of herself with him while he was answering her question. Yeah, that shows exactly how interested she was in what he was saying. It's sooooooo ANNOYING!

Then, while everyone tried their best to get a picture as close to him as possible in the 1600people-group photo, we (me, my sister and Najwan) strided to the end of the line. Luckily, there was lunch after that. He ate in the VIP Room, obviously.

So, while my sister and I were sitting in the banquet hall not knowing where to go, my mother called us to our seats in the VIP Room. Upon entering, we saw a bunch of students loitering around the door hoping to catch at least a glimpse of his face. I knew, they were really thinking of a way to get in to snap a 1-on-1 picture with him. Too bad.

Sheikh Muszaphar is a HUGE fan of Dato' Lat. I was the one who snapped their picture with his iphone. Yes, his phone was in my hands. Yes, I could have done so much with that oppurtunity, including getting his number. But I did nothing that sort! I'm not a freak.

We, the anak-anak Keledang, stole his jacket and posed for the camera. Haha. Then, he was taken to the banquet hall for an autograph session. Most of the people complained. Some of them did not get a chance to take pictures with him. Seriously, you don't have to be a pro to get pictures with the guy. And you can't really complain about it. There are 1599 other people who wants the same thing!

You know, Sheikh Muszaphar did say that his condition, for him to come, was that the people who come to him wants to listen not to take pictures! If you want a picture, go to Madame Tussauds when his wax is done why won't you.

Anyway, I call today's headlines 'The Attack of The Students Cameras!'

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Make me see sense or just go insane.

I'm sick. I can't do my homework because I just feel dizzy all the time.

I was breezing through Someone Like You when this line caught my attention.
"Why are you doing this to your self?"
"Doing what?"

I could so relate to that. That 'Ray' guy is like a drug to her. It doesn't matter that it's not good for you because it makes you feel alive. It is the only thing that gets you through the day or make you excited about going to work or school. Just one second of the moment and you just want more. The scene keeps replaying in your head and you wish for more.

And the worst part is when you know that after awhile...just that is not enough. You want need more. But it's not a choice. It's a gift, those moments. They can't be found. They can't be made. They just are.

What's scarier is knowing that when you realise the longing in your's too late. You didn't see it coming. You didn't know what everything would lead to. So you're lost. Not knowing how to let it all go...truth is, you can't. So just embrace the moment. Don't let it pass you by. Because what hurts the knowing that at the back of your mind, there will always be a "What if?"

Why don't you just put yourself out there and go for it? Many people would ask, "What have you got to lose?"


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Clean slate.

Hey guys.
Your eyes aren't tricking you. I'm back with this blog and my old blog which was formerly known a nightgownsandshorts has gone and became an old diary where only few can read. Give me your email and I MIGHT let you read it.

A clean slate is what we need sometimes. And I think now is the best time in my life to start a new.
People come and go in life and we have to learn to let them go.

The last few months have been hard for me and I know now that there are only few that we can count on.

People try to forgive and forget. But it's so hard, you know? So I'll try...I'll try to let go. I'll try to forgive...and I hope we can put the past in the past.

"Embrace the future, understand the present, let go of the past."