Saturday, June 26, 2010

Who says the truth is gonna save you?

When people ask you, "What happened?", you can't help but to think about the answer.

There's THE story...
...and there's the story.

The story is the one everyone knows. The one that you tell around but with some missing bits and pieces.

THE story is the whole story, simply complicated and full of consequences.

The difference? One small almost insignificant detail. But that detail could change your view in life. That detail could change the outcome of things. That detail is the key. That is why you never ever tell THE story. Not to anyone.

Sometimes, it can save someone's life. just hurts too much.

You rather no one knows. Because no one is gonna understand anyway. And is easier to pretend it never happened. No one gets hurt if no one knows.

So...what's the story?

Friday, June 18, 2010

Climate change so take cover!

The past few weeks have been weird and just so wrong.

'A won't talk to B. C is with D. E went crazy. F is so emo. And G is just plain annoying.' Kind of thing. *Not really happening...actually kinda*

In this crazy, tragic, almost awful yet beautiful and awesome life, people change. Things happen. And feelings? They fade. And in that time, you grow.

I used to think that it wouldn't be called a crush if tit didn't hurt. So as I waited for the final blow, I understood...that someday, someone will walk into your life and make you smile. That person will never let you down, will not hurt you and most importantly...will love you for you.

Maybe there are holes in relationships. Some can be mended. Some just hurt. But aren't we old enough...wise enough to know how to handle it?

So what do you do?
When you love someone who doesn't love you?
When you don't love someone who loves you?
When love isn't enough?
or When just love itself is enough?

In the end though, no matter what your choice...someone will get hurt. If not them...then, it's you. If it was expected though...if it was known...would it hurt less?

The thing is, at this moment, everything just shoots up at the same time, blocking the view and throwing all elements in different directions...I am blinded. By hope. By dreams. By wishes. And all these jumbles up with reality.

When the world stops spinning...will I?

I just want to keep dancing in the rain.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The only law online is that there is no law.

Noel and Azrul were really funny during tuition just now.

Azrul: If I was your son, what would you do?
Noel: Jump out the window.
Me: Kill you.

Azrul: Mum wats for dinner?can take me go have ice cram yummy
Me: Stale fish with raw chicken.sure.can.but your paying.
Azrul: Sushi yay..i thought a mum always suppose to belanja

1. Even if you know all about being on the rebound, you can't help but be one.
2. Even if it kills you, the other person has got to know he/she was right..and you were wrong.
3. Even when everything you ever wished for has never come can't help but to keep on wishing.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Break me.

He was not the least bit subtle about defending his friend. Did you like hire him or something? And I did not cry over you.

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't died and gone to another lifetime.

Let me finish this for you. You are so full of it. Understand?

I didn't choose you.
I wouldn't choose you.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Yes? No? Maybe?

He called me at 11.36pm.
Oh. My. God.

Like WTH? He wanted to 'explain' things. So there is no 'complications between "us",' Ermm. There is no 'us'!

You can go on and on about it...and tell me what you want me to believe...or more of what YOU want to believe. But like I said, not in this lifetime.

Why? Again, I ask, WHY? Why lie? Why keep on lying. I said that I don't want to hear anymore crap...don't you get it? I'm not angry about her. I'm angry that you lied. And if you're going to continue saying that you didn't lie, Fine! But don't...I repeat, DON'T try to convince me. If I feel like you are being honest, I'd believe you. But, dude, say it to my face.

Why call me in the middle of the night? Always in the middle of the night!

And why? Just why did you call? Out of courtesy or something? Guilt, maybe? What happened to your manners before? Seriously?

And why so sudden? Why so late?

I kept saying "Yeah." "It's fine." "Ok." "Ermm." because what was I supposed to say?!Call me with an unknown number, in the middle of the night. I thought it was someone else. Then, said, "Hey. It's me."

You're so lucky I know your voice so much that it gave me a shock. Or else I'll be saying, "Who?"
And Penny, you know what he said in the end? "I'll text you, ok?" Not okay. Can you believe this guy?

When one becomes two and zero became one...

12 became 7. Then, unexpectedly changed to 9. But from 7, it became 6 because I didn't know. So when 1 became 2 I felt that it was fate. Especially when 0 became 1 again. It was like there was something there. Yes, there was. God told me to get it over and done with.

Maybe it wasn't like I expected, wished or even hoped...the point is that it is over. So over.

Don't wake me up even when it ends.

He said he didn't lie. Then, he asked me, "So is there any way i can make it up or just be left unforgiven?"

I was ready to believe him. I thought, okay, I need this to end now. And it was okay...until I woke up.

I put on an all black attire, looked in the mirror and changed. Mai and Chepah greeted me in Jusco. I saw 'her' which meant 'they' were so gonna be there and that would include 'him'. And there he was. I said hi to them but not him. I went off.

I asked him if he was still there after his movie. Maybe can meet up? He didn't reply. No...he replied. ONE HOUR AND A HALF LATER! He was about to go off at that time.

Ermm, dude! Isn't it obvious that he is a coward? No? No. It's obvious that he lied.

And Grace told me he likes some girl who isn't me. I couldn't care less. It hurts. But I'd rather know than not.

Watched Killers. Haha. Funny and so predictable, actually.

Went home. I'll be fine. I'll be okay. I'll be strong. Because I am me! Yeahh!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Graduation Night. Prom.

Nasyim and me.

At first, did my hair at 4pm. I thought want to do at 5pm but my mum say I'm crazy. It took 2hours to do my hair. Haha. Then go Nasyim's house. Khalida was doing Jasyu's hair and make up. After that, my turn. delayed to prom because Jasyu's dress zipper rosak. Haha. Funny.

At prom, I saw so many pretty girls with set hair. Btw, Jamie won best dressed. Memang cun pun! Then...
...he was with her.

My mood spoil, you know!

I danced like crazy at first. Chang Lin spinned me over and over and OVER again. Ben came and lifted me *cradle* and spinned with me in his arms like crazy. Haha.

Slow danced with Kian Seng, Shahrizal, Junior, Nasyim, Kamil, Chang Lin and Sean Mark Wilson.

If you are wondering about a certain someone *cough*liar*cough*, he went home early. He was gone when I started dancing. I don't want to see him ever again in my life.

Went home at 11.30pm++.

All I wanted was a night to remember. And that's what I got. And I did have fun. I was sad and moody. But I had Jasyu, Nasyim, Nick, Dee, Jamie and Junior...even Wai Hung came and sat with me and asked me what's wrong. And definitely Zhen Yeap, that smiled at me, talked to me...and most importantly...said bye to me on facebook. Haha.

The truth will come out. So why lie?

What the hell la dude?
Enough, okay? Stop lying. You know, I believed every bullshit you told me. I defended you whenever my friends talk bad about you. I even believed you over him. Yeah, he was the one who told me that you were going with his sister. And you had the nerve to lie and deny it.
What was so hard about telling the truth?
If you’re gonna create another crap…DON’T! I’m not even asking for an apology or whatever.
I just want to know WHY did you lie?

That was what I sent after going home.

"So u lied."
"What u mean?"
"Everything...every bullshit you told me. all dat I idiotically believed."
No reply.
"U r not even man enough to tellh d truth. no guts!"

I don't regret that. I regret not slapping his face. I regret not kicking him where it hurts. I regret not being able to say anything.

I have really fallen for you. And apparently, I fell for all your lies too.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Save the last dance for me.


I think we have to kutip balik all that popcorn.

Turns out, we have no idea which one is a lie. And guess what?
Saving me a dance was the last thing I expected would be the outcome of all that crazy thing.

Hahaha. I'm ROFLMAO. Made the power of the nightmare turn into a dream again.

Pretty little big fat liar.

Oh my god.
How could you?

I shed so many tears because of you. And I thought, hey, at least this time, it would be the last one. The one that I have expected. But you, being you just had to add to it. Make me cry again. I hope those popcorns made ants crawl up your skin and give you rashes!

"I said 'Hi'." Well, so did I! Yes, I was really bitchy but at least, I didn't lie. I didn't make up excuses and made you believe an IDIOT!

They told me to push away my pride. He told me that on that day, it didn't matter. But you LIED to me. And THAT mattered!


Today, I had Penny and Mai doing me a HUGE favour. Haha. And they are the KILLERS with popcorn. Hahaha.

I'm laughing. Because inside...
...I'm dying.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

God gives...then, takes it back. (repost)

Have you ever felt like everything is just right...
and then, in just a blink of an eye everything becomes so WRONG?

There's this prayer
Grant me the SERENITY
to accept the things I cannot change,
to change the things I can,
And the WISDOM
to know the difference.

What if God did give you that wisdom, then suddenly, out of the blue, he takes it back?
Then, you are left with a HUGE confusion between what you CAN change and what you can't. And then, you start questioning fate.

What's 'Fate'? I mean, seriously, what is it? People say fate is your path. That no matter what...everything that happens to FATE.
BUT people keep saying, "DON'T BLAME IT ON FATE."
If it's not fate, then it won't happen. But it happened. Whether it's failing, wining or's fate isn't it? Or not?
COnfused? So am I!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Reshween Maan

This superly awesome lady is now a 17 years OLD LADY! Haha. I dedicate this post to her as she is one lucky charm. *wink.wink* haha. She is tall, pretty and very macho. That is why I love of laa. She is one person who would slap me in the face just to give me wake up call. And for that, I thank you!!

Make 17 wishes. And dream 17 dreams. And make sure I'm in every one of them. Haha.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Tell me you care. Now tell me the truth.

Friday was just another day that passed by like *snap* THAT!

Rose texted. She told me that my dress is ready. But her mum wants to make it a surprise. OMG! I don't know what to do. I want to see my dress NOW!
Haha.*Crazy already*

Shelumiel is such an awesome friend...Thank you for being a great friend.
As for his friend, what an a$$! Think he so pro. If she wasn't there to protect you, I would have chocked you to death! I understand where she's coming from because I'm exactly like her when it comes to that guy, but dude! You maybe our friend, but I swear, one more strike and I'm gonna strike that already ugly face of yours. You read me? You break her heart, I break your neck!

I miss MRSM Taiping. It sucks to admit it but I was breezing through the yearbook which arrived a few days ago. Then, today I was looking at their pictures and some that got me in it. I wonder...what if I never left?
What would have happened to the gang?
What would have happened between me and 'PP'?
What would have happened to me?

If I could have one more day in there...what would I do? Hurmm.

If I stop thinking about now. And go to the past, I...I feel so much better than I do now. If I never stepped foot in IIS...none of this would have happened.

But that would be whole other adventure (ADVENTUROUS!). A wayy different and much more complicated drama.

And if I go further back, I get to see Penny and Reshween. And my days are better. Funnier. And so much more awesome.

I love you. Penny, Reshween, Mai, Adib, Hannan, Bat, Nasyim, Shelumiel, Jasyu, Deanna, Nick, Rose, Qish, Shud, Aiza, Ainaa, Haan, Syidi, Auji, Fatim, Fazi, Olan, Akif and so many more. SOOO MANY MORE!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Embrace the moment because it is so going to be over.

It was not 12. It was 7. Then, it changed to 8. I hope it's 9. But 8 went down the drain. So it is 7 again. Maybe it is actually 6. But then, again, I hope there is still 7.

On a happier note:
I'm seeing Penny and Najmi at the interview this Tuesday.
Production tickets will be on sale starting Monday.
Reshween's birthday present.*AHA!*
I'm going to prom with my bestie.*well, that is that.*

During production practice on Tuesday, I wore tights. This is what Suhan said, "Why is your face like Malay but your legs like Chinese?" Haha. I bursted out laughing. The boys really need some tight slaps. Wolf-whistle some more. HORRIFYING!

If I say I haven't been sad, I'd be lying...but...there is always Penny and Reshween who can give me a good conversation. There's also Mai and Adib who are always there for me for some strange reason. Haha.

Olan got suspended from school and called it 'Cuti Paksa'. hah!

I want to jump off a cliff now. Later.