Thursday, November 24, 2011

"Am I not enough?"

Your words ring clearly in my head.

I can't just close my eyes and pray that it will all go away. It doesn't work that way. I know that now.

Penny once asked me, "He knows you're crazy, right? As in CRAZY crazy!"

Here's one thing about being crazy.

Sure, at first, you go into this trance...this sense of oblivion...where you're numb to reality. You don't feel anything anymore and you can go and do something out of the ordinary...out of character...brave, even.

I have this theory that the reason people do 'crazy' is because...well, they're shaken. In life, you face choices. And you make a choice, so you stick with it. But, one day, you think, 'what if'. And all you want is to escape reality. Then, you try it. You lose it. You lose control.

It's like closing your eyes and dreaming.

But the thing is, you can't escape reality that long. When you open your eyes, you have to face the consequences of not only your reality, but the excess of your so-called dreams.

I run away because of fear.

I'm so messed up.

But I'm working on it.

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